Ahhhh…. where do I begin.
Let’s start by saying that just a year ago I was so happy that my son would be an adult in 4 years. But now I am starting the process all over again. Let’s go back even further to tell you that I never wanted to get married again because I loved my worldly single Cougar life as a B.A.B. (Boss Ass Bitch) Realtor in Hawaii and strong single mother who didn’t need support or permission from any man to live how I wanted to.
Flip the script 180……..Now I am married again to a brilliant 21-year-old man, who created a confection company with me and is everything I’ve manifested, live in Washington state, pretty much housewife status and am halfway through pregnancy. I have never met my in-laws as they disapprove of me; not just for my age (they don't even know who I am as a person), but because of their inadequacies and shame (in which I can’t talk about till legal aspects are smoothed over. Then, you will know about the struggles we have been facing as a family, couple and business). Talk about Drama!
Life surely is strange. Especially starting over again from the bottom, in this midlife season of 40 years walking this earth. How many times in life do we start all over? Looking back on life, I felt like everything was falling apart at 19, 25, 29, 35…. is this a pattern? As adults we do have stages and milestones like babies do; crawl>walk>run. I guess these were traumatic milestones which propelled me into the next season.
AT 19
I had my first marriage which was annulled, and I thought I was a failure because no one my age would be divorced already. My dad was so mad at me and put my precious cat that I grew up with, to sleep. I rented my first place and mismanaged my money by partying and going out.
AT 25
I was finally tired of the fast life, spent so much that I had to go bankrupt. Also, because a friend totaled my $30k car which was my identity. My life had been identified with racing and no one knew who I was, if I wasn’t in my car. That car was my life, I loved it more than anything in the world; it was a type of security blanket for me. ANNNNDDD …. took all of my money and ruined my driving abstract (although I am legendary in Hawaii racing circles in the early 2000’s, Haha).
(At 26 I had my son and my whole outlook changed; I was determined to do the best I can, for him).
AT 29
I was getting divorced but now I had a 3-year-old child during college with no job-no money and no place to go. I was kicked out of my home and my son was torn between 2 households.
(At 30 got back on my feet, finished my degree got a good job at the hotel and life was comfortable again).
AT 35
Broke off an engagement and for the first time had to be completely independent with no help from a boyfriend or husband for my son.
(At 36 got back to God, bettered myself with personal development and working out. Then started real estate and although it was a struggle, we made it on our own without any help from a man).
NOW AT 40
I am not the wild person I used to be, I am extremely calculated and cautious of my money, time and energy in which I give to people and things. My friend circle is small, and I have turned into an introvert.
Right now, is another turning point with the 2nd child on the way, just the difference is that it's with the right partner, who has the same values and faith which makes all the trials bearable when the household is in order.
I am thankful that my life didn’t fall apart, it just felt like it. God saved me from dying in car crashes, falling off high things, overdosing and not allowing me to go to rehab. I’m glad I went through all the drama for it made me extremely strong and wise to help others through their traumas- if only people reached out to me for help.